Solana Foundation Announces Release of World's Fastest Toaster
The toaster is said to handle speeds of up to 2TPS (toast per second).
Latest
SnailMoon Founders Arrested For Being Too Slow
Law enforcement made the arrest after a brisk 45-second bicycle chase.
Local Man Buys All-Time High Despite Several Warnings From Himself
After a 10-second discussion with himself, local man decided $SHIT was the best financial decision.
SafeMoon Accused of Copying SnailMoon's Branding
SnailMoon has never even heard of SafeMoon according to the team.
Local Man Flees Country Instead Of Trying To Calculate His Crypto Taxes
"If you'd seen my 40,000+ shitcoin transactions in Metamask, you'd understand."
SnailMoon Reaches Record Slow Speed
The record was celebrated by the four people still active in the Telegram chat.
Police Report They Still Haven't Found That One Guy Rugging Everyone
"I don't know who Ethereum is or why he's selling rugs but we'll catch this guy."
SnailMoon Wins Award For Lowest Market Cap
The $SNM community is proud that their hard work shilling has paid off.
Project Rugs While Man Has First Shower In 5 Days
The man removed his last $24 ($7 after gas) and sat in silence for 10 minutes.
Community Panic Holds
"The last time there was FUD, the token I was holding went down 90% in 4 minutes."
How To Not Sound Unemployed: A Crypto Investor's Guide
Step 1: Don't ever mention cryptocurrency.
Local Man Holds Shitcoin Until Heat Death Of The Universe
Dust to dust.
Finance
Top 10 Ways To Soft FUD Your Investments In Telegram Chat
The moron's masterclass in staying poor - beginners welcome.
$SNM
Crypto Project Builds Bridge
The SnailMoon team will be paying outright for the development of the bridge, with costs expected to amount to around $12.
Finance
Crypto Investor Confused By Green Number In His Portfolio
Friends of the investor have been forced to explain what the green numbers and plus sign meant.
Finance
Investors Shocked To Discover "Inu" Means Dog In Japanese
This revelation has caused confusion as many investors had assumed that "inu" was simply a random string of letters that sounded cool.
World
Fiverr Distances Itself From Developers Who Made Shibarium Bridge
"We were not aware that developers were offering to create an Ethereum bridge for $5 on our platform."
Finance
BitBoy Celebrates With Legal Team After Raising $200,000
Armstrong's new financial advisor Candy will be in charge of the newly raised legal funds.
World
Richard Heart Wins Farmer Of The Year Award
Heart beat out fierce competition from the likes of Azuki, Yuga Labs, and whoever keeps launching all those shitcoin farms.
Finance
Tesla Adds 2nd Display For Shitcoin Trading
"My Tesla was able to automatically change my destination to the bank so I could declare bankruptcy."
World
Lizard People Association Distances Itself From Zuckerberg After Twitter Lawsuit
“Hoarding personal data and influencing elections is fine, but stealing IP is something we cannot condone."
World
Crypto Whale Group Wiped Out By Japanese Fishing Vessel
Since the incident, rug pulls and pump & dumps have dropped a staggering 1%.
Finance
Jerome Powell Accidentally Leaves Money Printer On All Weekend
Powell is expected to raise interest rates by 950 basis points to begin to combat the resulting inflation.
Finance
Probably Nothing Revealed To Be Nothing
To add to the holder's disappointment, there wasn't something big coming either.